Sunday, December 26, 2010

Christmas at the Hospital

Dear Best Friend,

This past week has found me at a new low. My oldest son has been struggling with depression for several months and we thought he was finally doing better.  We are still unsure the exact reason for this, but he overdosed on ALL of his prescription meds this week, about 3 weeks worth.  He is going to be okay, which is a huge relief.  Still, finding him drugged out on Wednesday was a shock like no other and I was in a massive panic fearful that he was going to die.  It's not a day I would ever relive.

He spent the next several days halucinating, crying, trying to get out of bed, pulling out his IV among other things.  He never slept and he required constant care with someone at his side.  I was with him for at least 12 hours every day, sometimes longer and came home to sleep for a few hours, shower, dress and go right back.

After three and a half days he finally gave up and fell asleep.  So, I spent Christmas sitting at my son's side thankful that he was finally giving his body a much needed rest.  He slept deep for 8 hours and when he woke up, he was finally able to start communicating.  I was so happy to have my boy back.  That was my Christmas blessing.

His memory was very fuzzy and he he asked me the same questions over and over again.  I know he was still seeing things too but this time he was able to recognize that he was and was fighting it.  After four hours of us talking and me answering his questions, he was really tired again.  He asked me if I would snuggle him, so I did my best to in that hospital bed and he went back to sleep for the rest of the night.

I finally came home at nearly 4 am the day after Christmas and got some much needed rest.  Today, his dad is supposed to go and visit him, so he can have Christmas with his brothers.  I'm glad to have some relief from being in the hospital, even though I miss my son and worry about how he is doing constantly.

It was important to me that I get my son's bedroom cleaned up, to fill the stockings for the other kids and to try to make a Christmas for the rest of us, even if it will be a couple of days late.  The house has been neglected for the last 5 days and prior to that I was decorating for the holiday, so saying it's a mess is putting it lightly.

Another blessing I can't forget is all the support we have had from friends at church.  The day that this happened we had  seven different people in the ER with us, asking what they could do to help, giving hugs and offering support.  They have brought in meals to my husband and step daughter, made phone calls, one came to the hospital and had lunch with me in the room, and they prayed for us.  I don't know what I would have done without all of that love.  It's amazing to know that we are cared about and people are willing to come rushing to our side when we need help, no matter that it's Christmas.  I hope that they are blessed ten fold.

It feels good to finally write to you and let some of my feelings out.  I've been staying strong not only this week, but for the last 4 months as we've dealt with the depression.  I've cried only a little and I know the rush of emotions are just waiting to be released.

Thank you for listening.

Love,  Your Best Friend

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