Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Stepchildren - a mixed bag

Dear Best Friend,

My husband's kids are here for this week, during the holiday break.  They have spent some time with their grandparents as well as with us.  Today they were with us and we took them to eat at Olive Garden for lunch.  Now, that might sound like nothing, but our finances are REALLY tight right now, so this was a very big deal.  We actually used a gift card my husband received from his birthday because otherwise we never could have afforded it.

Lunch was pleasant and I mostly kept to myself, as I have some serious issues with one of my stepkids.  Still, overall I had a nice time and I was glad we took them out to eat. 

After lunch I ran a few errands and when I returned home I heard one of my stepkids talking to my husband, saying things about me being abusive, physically and emotionally, and wanting to go home.  This actually made me very upset but instead I allowed my husband to deal with it and I went to the garage to look for the Christmas tree stand.  While I was in the garage I decided it would be a good idea to go shopping for a while and get out of the house, rather than cause any problems. 

After I went shopping my husband told me that one of the kids went home.  I just said "Oh, that's too bad".   I don't think my husband knows I heard part of their conversation and he didn't say anything to me about anything, so I felt it was best to leave it alone.

However, I'm kind of ticked off. Not that the teenager went home but because of the constant accusations and defaming of my character.  It's really getting old and I'm rather irritated by the whole thing.  I get that this child is upset with me and has been for several years (this last year especially), but I have gone to great lengths to apologize, I attempted for us to resolve our issues in counseling and during the few moments I have been around this child, I have been nothing but pleasant and polite.  I would really appreciate my name not continue to be tarnished.  You don't want to be here, fine, but stop making me the scapegoat for it.

I love my husband and I want him to have a relationship with his kids.  I would like to have a relationship with them as well.  But being a stepparent is really hard sometimes and it seems that I am the "bad guy" for doing nothing more than loving their dad and being around.  That seems kind of unfair.  I thought maybe it would get better as time went on, but not so far.  I actually think as the teen years continue it's worse.

How are you doing as a step parent?  All of your kids live with you, and you don't have ex's to deal with...  it's not exactly the same situation as mine, but still it must be hard.  You're not their dad and your wife isn't your kids' mom.  Do you feel like it's hard sometimes?  Do you feel like you are a family or do you have the "his and hers" situation?


Your Best Friend

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