Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Late Night Thoughts

Dear Best Friend,

Sometimes I feel like my husband doesn't really care about how I feel.  I know it's not actually true, but still.  I'm having a hard time sleeping, eating, doing just about anything and yet his life just went on.  I get that my son isn't his biological son and therefore his feelings aren't the same as mine.  I also understand that we deal with stress and hard times in different ways.  But I need his support right now and I need him to get that I'm having a hard time.  My hard time should matter to him, shouldn't it?

For instance, he came home at lunch time and I was still in bed.  I told him that I was having a hard time getting up but that I did help my youngest son to take a bath.  His response was: "Did you make sure that he didn't get water all over the floor?" and proceded to go into the bathroom to check the floor next to the tub.  Really?  That's what he got from my sentence?

It's times like this when I miss the easiness of our communication.  I know it's not fair to think that way.  I only wish that it was an easy to talk to him as it was to talk to you.

I didn't hear from my oldest son today.  I called and left a message for him to call back, but he didn't.  I guess he is mad at me.  I don't have the strength to fight with him.  Tomorrow I would like to visit with him and I'm planning to drop off some clean clothes.  I hope we can have a good visit together and talk about his feelings and concerns.

The place he is in right now doesn't want to keep him.  They don't feel like they can really help him and want him to go to another more permanent facility with the intent that he can get more of a definate diagnosis.  Right now I don't know what to do.  I want him to come home, but I fear for his safety.  I hope that answers will come and I will know what is best for him.

And if life wasn't crazy enough, my youngest fell and hurt his ankle yesterday.  It was still bothering him today so I took him for x-rays.  It's okay, just sore, and they gave him a brace to help support his ankle while it heals.  I'm sure our insurance company hates us.

It's very late so I am going to try to get some sleep.  I hope I can relax enough to rest.

- Your Best Friend

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