Dear Best Friend,
Yesterday it was decided that my oldest son will be going to a new residential treatment center on Wednesday. The center offers transportation and will be picking him up. I should be sad about it and maybe on some levels I am, as I certainly am sad we are in this position at all and about the circumstances that lead to it, but I actually feel relieved. The not knowing what to do and weighing of options almost constantly, was just wearing me down. After all was said and done yesterday, I felt so much of that weight lifted from my shoulders, and dare I say it, I actually felt happy.
I haven't talk to my son in a few days. I've called many times but he's never called back. I think he's still mad at me for not standing up to the doctors and giving him what he wants. I tried to explain to him that if I push the medical team, they will take us to court and I will not longer have any choices regarding his care. It doesn't make sense to reason with someone who doesn't understand reason, but I tried it anyway. He ended up hanging up on me and that was the last we spoke. I'd like to visit him today with the other kids before he leaves tomorrow. I'd like for him to hear that I do love him with all of my heart and I only want what is best for him, even if that means him not being home with me. It's not the life I want for him either, but again, he just doesn't really get it. He thinks of this as a punishment, instead of the opportunity to get healthy.
On a happier note, preschool was terrific today. As I expected, the kids loved the dinosaur theme and they especially enjoyed digging up the dinosaur eggs. One of the kids said "that was awesome". Yeah!
I also had a mom come to visit the preschool today and she seemed really interested in signing up. She specifically asked about starting on Thursday, and many other questions that leads me to believe that she is serious about it.
We bought a new car yesterday. We have no money whatsoever to afford a new car either, but our 2002 is seriously falling apart and I have been worried that it would completely die leaving us in a bad position. We actually leased it, so the payments are lower and I think with another preschool registration we are looking okay for making the payments without too much struggle. Anyway, we bought a Honda Civic LX and traded in the 2002. So,we have two working vehicles right now which is one less worry.
Hope you are having a great week. I still miss talking to you.
Love, Your Best Friend